Entertaining like a Canadian Diplomat

I recently ran across some rather amusing Amazon reviews from some madman genius. Here is a sample:

Margaret Dickenson is the wife of a Canadian diplomat. I learned from her book the hierarchical placement of guests around the dinner table that diplomats use. The most important sits to the right of the host, the second most important to the left. I have used this dinner table tactic to divide and conquer my guests, making them jealous of each other for my attention. I had Jeremy Saltmaven over for vermouth the other day and made him sit to my left, leaving a vacancy to the right. With this subtle trick I suspect I probably let Jeremy Saltmaven know he needs to give me more finery to secure my favour. Margaret Dickenson also explores dinner party themes, but this is where I went soft on the book. For my Hieronymus Bosch themed party, I assembled a nice costume from one of Bosch’s panels. I heard the first knock at the door, and hurriedly threw on my bird mask, mounted a copper cauldron on my head, and leapt up onto my stilts. In the process of taking my first step I spilled headfirst into the front door, misjudging the weight imbalance of the cauldron on my neck. My guests later told me they first heard some shuffling, the single sonorous knell as of a large bell, and then nothing. After waiting patiently on the porch for 5 minutes, it took them a few moments longer than normal to open the front door, heaving it, unwittingly shifting my dumped motionless body across the vestibule floor. So, Margaret Dickenson, that’s why I can’t give this book anything higher than 3 stars.